interested or committed?

Mel wrote an article that got me thinking. Am I just interested in my goals or actually committed to them? Does my motivation waiver when faced with challenges or do I stay strong? I won't recap everything she wrote because she wrote it better than I could (and hello - I won't steal content!) but I'll wait while you go read it, k?

Click here to read Mel's post. (Hey, don't skip clicking. I'll wait.)

{humming}

Did you read it? Okay, good.

You see, I was gung-ho do everything by the book, don't you DARE think you can tempt me with that piece of cheesecake when I lost almost 60 pounds in 2003. I was within 10 pounds of goal weight and I got pregnant. I took that as my license to eat for two and even though I've lost weight and gained and lost and gained (and you get the picture) since that time I've never really, truly re-committed.

Ummm yeah, I WANT to lose weight. I WANT to be healthier. But I have still WANTED to drink Diet Coke all day or WANTED to have dessert on a regular basis instead of an occasional splurge. I have not disciplined myself the way I did 8 years ago (ohmygosh I feel old).

The real question here is what do I want more? Dessert and Diet Coke? Or to not feel so run down and out of control and, frankly, depressed?

What I want more is the determination of that girl from 8 years ago. The girl who said "Screw you! Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." Because you know what? She was soooo right.


Left to right: Me and my friend Bev, Fall 2005. A little over one year post baby. I wasn't back to my pre-baby weight but I was in a good place mentally and physically. I want that back.

i choose me

Since becoming a mom I realize that I tend to put myself last. A lot. This isn't good for me - nor is it good for my family. And you know how the saying goes...



But of course *this mom* IS happy? Why? Because I chose happy, remember? And yes, it's a daily choice to be happy but I will and I do. It's better for me and it's better for my kids.

But you know what I forget to do when it comes to choosing me? Put my health first. (Thanks Heather for the gentle reminder.)

Starting today I choose to protect my skin by wearing sunscreen not only on my face but also on my neck, chest, arms and hands.

I choose to make my health a priority again. It's taken a back seat to too many things. (Oh! Hello there, Weight Watchers, my long lost friend!)

And I choose to love myself and my body at every. single. stage of the game. I only have one body and one life so I WILL make the best of it. (Even when my back is screaming at me.)

How about you? What do YOU choose?

Have you heard of the American Cancer Society's Choose You movement? It's all about making the commitment to live healthy and make early detection a priority through regular health checkups. Click HERE to learn more.

i choose happy

I realize that for the past month I've really been down. And I know I have every right to be upset, depressed, bummed, mad and disappointed. But just because I have the right to feel that way doesn't mean I have to feel this way nor should I feel like I'm entitled to feel this way. Does that make sense or am I just rambling?

Regardless, I hate pessimism. So why am I being so ridiculously pessimistic? Ok, so I'm hurt. Ok, I couldn't attend the 1/2 marathon I worked so hard for. Yeah, it frustrates me but I can continue to dwell on it and be a big ole grump or I can get over it and move on.

I'm choosing to move on. I'm choosing to be happy. And I'm choosing to be thankful that my injury isn't worse than it is. Cause you know what? I'm still alive (although not kicking - that hurts!), I can see, I can hear, I can speak, I can walk. My children are healthy. My husband is keeping the house up as best as he can while working full-time and coming home to take care of everyone. I have a home and a beautiful family.

I choose happy.

PS: If you catch me being a Debbie Downer, please feel free to give me a quick knock upside the head. Just remind me that I choose happy. Period. And to stop sulking.

thoughts

Do you ever have one of those a-ha moments? I have them a lot. It's something so insanely obvious that I wonder how I missed it the first however many times? Here, in no particular order:

• Walking on the treadmill today I'm walking at my fast pace. My fast pace was the "cool down" pace for the girl next to me. So mentally I start beating myself up. Why??? There's no reason to compare myself to anyone else. I am me. I am unique. And I will do this at my pace - whatever that might be. There's a slogan I love that I initially saw at One More Mile - You Don't Have To Go Fast. You Just Have to Go. I need to focus on ME and not those around me.
• I drink too much Diet Coke. Period. I need to allow it as a treat and only after I drink water. I don't feel bloated when I drink water and I actually have more energy. Why can't I seem to remember this?
• As Laura mentioned in her weigh-in post (and I'm totally copying her), I am a weight loss faker. It's embarrassing but it's the truth. I make plans. I set goals. And I rarely follow through. This needs to change. Big time.

Why does it take me so long to realize these simple, simple things???

to join a gym or not...

So I've been struggling with the decision of whether or not to join a gym. The biggest issue is time. As my training progresses so does the amount of time I'm working out. What used to be easy to accomplish during nap time isn't as easy. Getting up before my kids is NOT an option so please don't suggest that. I'm not a morning person and I love my sleep as much as I love my caffeine. And that's a lot. I started working out once the kids were in bed but that gave me an insane amount of energy and I couldn't sleep. When I did finally go to sleep I only got a few hours before the children were raring to go and I couldn't function (don't forget: Must. Have. Sleep.).

So I came up with this brilliant idea - join a gym and change my routine to this: wake up, breakfast, kids ready, take 5 year old to school, 2 year old and I to gym, her in child care - me work out and then shower, run any necessary errands, back home until time to pick up 5 year old from school.

If I don't join a gym I will have to continue to squeeze workouts into nap time or post bed time (which is also the time I "work"). So I feel like my only option IS to join a gym. So why am I typing this and asking if I should join a gym or not? I just totally answered my own question.

the monday project - fill in the blank

Ok, peeps, it's been several weeks since I participated in one of these. Since I'm trying to get back on track in all aspects of my life, I decided to tackle this week's Monday Project - Fill In The Blank.

I am active because it truly makes me feel better, improves my mood, and I know that I am doing something good for my body and I am showing my children (by example) that being active is a good thing. No couch potatoes allowed.

That pretty much sums up why I've chosen to start running (although right now it's really a fast walk/slow run). It was reaffirmed for me the other morning when I was taking my son to school and I said, "I'm sorry I was crabby this morning." His reply? "That's ok, Mom. Maybe you should get on the treadmill when you get home."

Whaaaa???? Yes, my 5 year old knew that my getting on the treadmill would make his mom a happier person. We chatted about that a little more and it made me smile on the inside AND outside. How nice to hear that affirmation from my kiddo.

success

Success is different for each person. For me, success was stepping on the treadmill tonight after my back/hip problems and completing 3 miles. Yes, the little voice in my head kept telling me, "...but if you hadn't hurt yourself you would be doing 6 or more miles by now." But the thing is I DID hurt myself and I can't change that. All I can do is move forward.

Success is coming back to weigh-in on the weeks I know I didn't do what I should've done to be healthier and more active. I could easily whoops! forget my weigh-in but I won't. It pops up as a reminder on my computer every Wednesday morning. It's literally impossible to forget.

I'm reading Jeff Galloway's Book on Running (copy courtesy of a giveaway I won over at Shrinking Jeans). Something in this book really struck me..."...'success' is in the eye of the performer. There can be success in every experience...you can string together a series of internal victories that form a pattern of progress." This is exactly what I'm doing. Continuing to push myself to be more active, continuing to weigh-in each week, continuing to make healthy choices (not just for me but as an example to my children) - these are ALL successes. It's all a matter of perspective.

How do YOU define success?