decisions

So to everyone that still reads my blog even though I rarely post these days, thanks for hanging around and waiting for me to resurface. I've been dealing with a lot lately, none of which I really want to delve into here. Maybe another time but for today I just can't.

The reason for this post is I have some very serious decisions to make regarding me, my mental health, my physical health, etc. I want you to give me feedback and be honest with me because something's got to give. Anyone wanna drive north a bit and pop me? Brooke? April? Thea? Wait. Let me reconsider that. These girls are hard core and might actually head this way to pop me in person.

Obviously I have been lacking any real, lasting motivation to be healthier for some time now. I'm participating in the current challenge at Shrinking Jeans but I'm doing my typical up and down yo-yo thing.

A little over a month ago I was diagnosed with hypertension (high blood pressure) and it turns out that is what has been causing my migraines. I'm now on blood pressure medication and my headaches, for the most part, have subsided. I had 2 horrific migraines the 1st 2 days on my meds but since then I've only had 1. So the lack of headaches is good. Hypertension at 34 is not.

Next big health issue is my cholesterol, triglycerides, LDL, etc. I don't really get it but suffice it to say that (and the previously mentioned hypertension) run in my family. My numbers are pretty high. High enough that my doctor said if I don't make some drastic changes and he sees my numbers come down at my 3-month follow-up appointment that he's putting me on meds for that too.

Ok, so let's recap how much medication I'm now taking:

• blood pressure medicine and accompanying water pill
• anxiety med for panic attacks and depression
• migraine pills, as needed
• migraine therapy med (which is supposed to work with my anti-depressant to eliminate/reduce frequency of migraines)

And quite possibly we'll have to add cholesterol medication. The only pill I'm not taking daily is my migraine pill which is for when I actually have a migraine. OH. MY. GAWD. I am too young for this. I realize most of my "issues" are hereditary but it also goes hand in hand with my weight, poor food choices, lack of exercise, etc.

I have to figure out a game plan ASAP. I DO NOT want to rob my kids of a mother. I NEED to make lifestyle changes immediately. I can't continue this "but I really want that to eat because it tastes good". My relationship with food is bad. My choices are bad. I am addicted to sugar. I know this but I'm at a loss of how to fix it. I need accountability. I also need a real lifestyle change that my entire family will follow. I'm no longer looking at this from a vanity standpoint because I want to be thin. I am looking at it as a must-do for me and my kids.

I've joined and re-joined Weight Watchers more times than I can count. And it works when I follow it. I just don't know how realistic it is for me over the long haul. Honestly? I get bored with it. I get into a habit of always eating this or that because I know the points. Do I go back and try Weight Watchers again? Do I find a nutritionist that will sit down and keep me accountable along with helping me understand what I need to do? Am I over-thinking this?

Anyone? Bueller?

confessions, check-in and more

Wow guys this has been a crazy, busy week. So busy, in fact, that I am still baffled by the fact that it's Thursday night. I can probably count on my fingers the number of hours we've actually been home this week (sleeping time excluded). But *big sigh of relief* starting tomorrow (Friday) it's not as crazy. Which is why I picked Friday to be my "let's try this again" day.

I did weigh-in on Wednesday and was up 1.4. I had a few thought-provoking comments last week (thanks, sisters) and Christie suggested maybe I was bored with Weight Watchers. At first I thought, nah I'm not bored, but after a little more mind-chewing on it I thought ok maybe she's got a point. It's not that Weight Watchers doesn't work. I know it does. When you follow the plan. My problem is my lackadaisical attitude towards it. So I thought - Hey, why not change it up? It's not like I'm 100% devoted to it (as evidenced by my weigh-in) and if something else doesn't work I try something else or even go back to counting Points. That being said, I've decided to try calorie counting. It will still require logging my food but I only have 1 number to deal with (for now) instead of 3. Something I've noticed is Weight Watchers is also all about the fiber and I'm not going to disagree that fiber is good for you but I've noticed, for me, it seems like the more protein something has the more filling it is and the less I want to snack/eat mindlessly.

Speaking of protein, I'm going to totally change topic here, has anyone tried Chobani Greek Yogurt? Oh. My. GOSH. It is the BEST yogurt I have EVER tasted. And the bonus? Zero fat and 14 grams of protein. It. is. awesome. If you like yogurt, that is. It's a little pricier than the other brands. Sale price at my local store was 10 for $10. But definitely worth it.*



Ok, back to my thoughts here (by the way this post has been writing itself in my head all week): Calorie counting is what I'm going to start tomorrow. I have a plan in place and a guide (thanks, April...you are awesome).

Exercise also needs to make its way "back" (get it, my back problems? Ha!) into the picture. My back is doing great and there's really no sense in putting it off. Game plan? 3 days run/walk (Couch-to-5K program) and 2 days strength training. I am working with Team in Training to get rescheduled for another half-marathon and am going to start looking for a local 5K to train for (gotta have a goal, right?).

WATER. Must. drink. water. We all know my crazy addiction to Diet Coke. And I KNOW it's not good for me. New plan = 80-100 ounces of water and 1 Diet Coke only if I meet the water requirement first. (This one scares me.)

So next week when I check in I will visit with you on how it went with calorie counting, exercise and water.

And finally, I need accountability. I was going to request a volunteer to be an accountability partner and I would return the favor - BUT seeing as Shrinking Jeans is starting a new challenge on Sunday and it includes teams, I'll be counting on my teammates to kick me in the butt if necessary.

*Photo courtesy of chobani.com. No one requested or paid me to post my adoration for this yogurt but I would definitely consider promoting these yogurts if contacted. I love 'em that much. Hey, I'm just sayin...

shrinking days of summer - finale

Today marks the end of the Shrinking Days of Summer Challenge over at the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans. This week I am down 0.6 but up 2.0 for the challenge. I'm not beating myself up, I'm not stressing about it, I'm really okay with it. There's always next week and the week after and....well, you get my point. It's a daily commitment. It's a daily choice. Some days I choose to stick to Weight Watchers and count my Points. Other days I don't. And until I make that commitment DAILY, I'm not going to see much change. I'm going to continue to gain and lose the same few pounds. I know this.

The challenge I am having is sticking with it daily. I know I can do it and I know it works (lost 60 lbs on Weight Watchers before). But that was before kids. I also know that I'm struggling with life at the moment and the stresses associated with it. I know I need to take care of me regardless of what hurdles come my way. I say I will and then something is thrown in my path that catches me off guard and I am sidetracked for however long. Any suggestions on how to stop getting distracted and FOCUS?

i choose happy

I realize that for the past month I've really been down. And I know I have every right to be upset, depressed, bummed, mad and disappointed. But just because I have the right to feel that way doesn't mean I have to feel this way nor should I feel like I'm entitled to feel this way. Does that make sense or am I just rambling?

Regardless, I hate pessimism. So why am I being so ridiculously pessimistic? Ok, so I'm hurt. Ok, I couldn't attend the 1/2 marathon I worked so hard for. Yeah, it frustrates me but I can continue to dwell on it and be a big ole grump or I can get over it and move on.

I'm choosing to move on. I'm choosing to be happy. And I'm choosing to be thankful that my injury isn't worse than it is. Cause you know what? I'm still alive (although not kicking - that hurts!), I can see, I can hear, I can speak, I can walk. My children are healthy. My husband is keeping the house up as best as he can while working full-time and coming home to take care of everyone. I have a home and a beautiful family.

I choose happy.

PS: If you catch me being a Debbie Downer, please feel free to give me a quick knock upside the head. Just remind me that I choose happy. Period. And to stop sulking.

shrinking days of summer: week 1

I weighed in on time Wednesday morning but am just now getting around to posting. I am up 3.0 pounds. Gah. I know why (injury = no exercise and depression = me eating crap). Now to figure out a game plan and tackle it head on. Just because I can't exercise until my injury is figured out and on the mend doesn't mean I can't take care of myself. And to be perfectly honest, I haven't been taking care of myself. I've let the doom and gloom of being physically broken take over my life. Enough is enough. I'm working on a game plan to get back on track. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. (Oh and for those not caught up I will be posting an injury update soon.)

schedule, what?

I am having a real problem putting myself on a schedule. I am running around in circles and quite frankly feel like a dog chasing its tail. Nice visual, huh?

Here's what must get done every day:

• Feed and bathe my children.
• Pick up and drop off my oldest at school.
• Take a shower. (Although this has been optional lately.)
• Dinner. (Ugh. Why is this so hard?)
• Exercise. Not only for my physical and mental health but for my 1/2 marathon in June.
• Work. I work for 2 AVON District Managers from home and have stuff I must get done for them on a daily basis.

Stuff that is only getting done when it absolutely must:

• Laundry.
• Picking up around the house. Don't even get me started on actually cleaning.
• Me eating breakfast. I know.
• Couple time with my husband. It's been practically non-existent. Not good.

So what do I do? The stuff that must get done isn't always getting done (although no worries my children ARE being taken care of) and it's stressing me out. I've had a migraine almost every day for the last week and a half. It starts as a tension headache and spreads from there. I've seen my chiropractor who has confirmed what's going on but I don't know how to fix it. When I get a migraine I cannot function. At all. This puts me even further behind and makes me stress out even more. See the cycle? I need to put myself on a schedule and stick to it before I lose my mind. Any suggestions on how to start would be greatly appreciated. Because at this point I'm so totally overwhelmed that the only thing I find myself doing is staring at my crazy long to-do list and, well, doing nothing.

losing momentum

I was given the go-ahead by the chiropractor and Coach Joe to resume my 1/2 marathon training. I squealed, I jumped around, I was so happy that I could get back on track. Problem? I haven't been able to do it. It's like mentally I can't get my butt on the treadmill or out the door. I don't know how to fix this. Coach Joe wants me alternating 3 miles with Pilates - so 3 miles Monday, Pilates Tuesday, 3 miles Wednesday, etc. to get myself back in the game. This is totally reasonable and doable. Why am I dragging my feet? Why am I acting like, "Meh. Whatever..." when I know what I need to do and want to do. Any suggestions on how to fix this? I know - Just Do It. Any volunteers out there to get all Jillian Michaels on my butt and make me check in with you and harass me until I do? Please? I'm not sure how else I can get it done. (Can't use the husband. He's a big softy. *wink*)