2012

Surprisingly I don't have a long list of resolutions or things I plan to do in 2012. There is one thing and one thing only that I am going to work on and that is ME. I always put everyone else's needs above mine and while there are days that I may still need to do this (sick kids, as an example), I will continue to do my best to take care of ME.

If you know me well (and some of you do) you know that I am a giver- 110%. Those that I am closest to and love get me and then some. I will bend over backwards to take care of them. But I don't do the same for myself. I've known this for quite some time but I've continued to ignore it. I'm tired of ignoring it.

The one word I have chosen for 2012 is REVIVE.

re·vive verb \ri-ˈvīv\
: to return to consciousness or life : become active or flourishing again

I need to flourish again. I need to bring me as an individual back to life. I actually started doing this over the last few months slowly but surely and am starting to feel better.

I will not be a slave to the scale.

I will stop emotional eating.

I will hydrate daily.

I will take time for me each day - some days it may only be 5 minutes. Ideally, I'd like it to be 30. I'll take what I can at this point.

I will say no to extra obligations and commitments without the guilt.

I will not allow work to take precedence over my needs or the needs of my kids.

I will love myself 100% and will not talk negatively about me to me.

I will smile. Every day.

And this is how I will REVIVE and bring Roo back to life as an individual and not as a mom, wife, sister, daughter or friend. Just me.

my way

As a work-at-home mom I rarely, if ever, do things "my way". I mean I kinda do but my life revolves around my kids and their needs. It's no secret that I don't take time for myself and I know that this needs to stop - especially if I want to be around to be here for my kids in the years to come.

Enter the new Shrinking Jeans challenge for May - My Way, My Needs, My Goals. Here are my initial goals:

• Water - minimum 64 ounces
• Eat better & track my food. I realize this is very general but I'm still trying to make a decision on how to proceed with this one. I kicked the sugar habit once before and felt amazing. I'm going to do a little research over the next few days but am leaning towards eliminating as much sugar as possible. I know I'm a sugar addict. So I'm going to do my best to stop the processed crap and incorporate more good-for-me stuff. I will also track what I eat so that I can see what I'm eating, etc. No calorie tracking yet. Writing it down is enough of a first step for me.
• Work on strengthening my back. It's still giving me a lot of pain and the last shot that was supposed to work (the preliminary one did) did not work and I'm in a lot of pain still. I am going to start with Pilates 3 times/week and when it's nice out I'm taking the stroller and my little one and I are going for a walk because something, anything is better than nothing.

So there you have it. My goals, my needs. It's all about me this month.

power of one: january project #2

I keep putting this post off. Why? Because I don't want to write it. I'm afraid I'll look back on this 6 months from now and not have accomplished anything. However, I'm slowly learning that sometimes always it's just the fear of the unknown that scares me. (It's only taken me 34 years to come to this conclusion. I'm insanely bright.)

Writing down my plans and goals for my life shouldn't scare me. Sure, I may have to adjust some things along the way but without a plan I'm just hobbling along making the best of my situation instead of taking the bull by the horns and making my life the life that I want.

So what is it that I want?

Physical Goals

Conquer my back problems: May will be one year since I injured my back. I still have no idea what I did to cause it, but during my training for the San Diego Half Marathon I managed to develop a herniated disc. I've had 3 cortisone injections and while the first 2 helped relieve pain for a little while the 3rd one did not. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to have an invasive surgical procedure but what would other options be?

I know that walking doesn't bother me. Oodles of walking in Orlando last weekend proved that. Running does hurt. So my short term plan is to walk 3 days a week and do Pilates the other 3 days to build up my core and strengthen my abs and back. I'll plan to take one day off a week (either Saturday or Sunday).

This is my start. I know I'll need to readjust this at some point and make a decision on fixing my disc problems.

5K by June: This goal stems from the previous one. I WILL walk a 5K by June. I found a few this Spring on Active.com and will sign-up for one of those. I will also plan to take part in the 5K at Fitbloggin. Until I can figure out my back it will be a walking 5K. Walking it is definitely better than not doing it at all, right? Right.

Get within 10 lbs of my goal weight by end of 2011: I'll admit, this is the scariest of them all. 40 pounds is what I need to lose to get within 10 pounds of my goal weight. 50 pounds would actually get me to goal. I know this is feasible because I lost 60 pounds in 11 months back in 2003; so 40 pounds in 11.5 months is reasonable and healthy. Getting there will take some serious discipline from me though. I will need to stick to my exercise plan of walking and Pilates and I will have to keep my eating and Points in check. Daily.

Other Goals

To better manage my time: This is a really general goal but the long and short of it is I want to put myself on a schedule. I thrive on routine and having a to-do list. With no routine at all I don't feel like doing anything and/or I get so overwhelmed I don't know where to start. I have started working on a daily schedule for myself and am going to do my best to stick with it. It's actually 90% done. I need to tweak it a bit and I plan to start working with that schedule on Tuesday. (Tomorrow is a play day - movies with my kids and my nieces!)

Research alternate schooling for my kids: This one overwhelms me so much; but I'm not happy with the school we put our 6 year old in this year. I don't like the hours he's away or knowing that he's in a class full of kids with anger issues, bullying problems, etc. I get that dealing with difficult peers is part of life but I don't believe that at 6 he should be forced to deal with these things.

If I could turn back the clock 6 months we wouldn't have moved to the area we chose if for no other reason but the school system. But as it stands now we've purchased a home and this is where we are so I need to do something.

I've gotten some information from an awesome friend on charter schooling and am going to start reading everything I can get my hands on and researching this. Honestly? I don't want to go the at home route because for starters it's not easy. And the idea of tackling something so big is, well, scary. (See paragraph 1 and my phobia of the unknown.)

Another option is private schooling of some sort but the cost is prohibitive at this point in time.

Any feedback on this goal or any of 'em, for that matter, would be really appreciated.

Gracias!

power of one: january project #1

Instead of a monthly project for January, the Sisterhood has decided to mix things up and make our projects weekly. I'm behind as they've already posted our week 2 assignment but I am really trying to keep up so I'll post mine as I can. Better late than never, right? Right.

This project was to write a letter to your future self. So I am going to attempt to write a letter to me in 2012 talking about 2011 and how I succeeded, was challenged, etc. I didn't participate last year because, frankly, I was overwhelmed. I wish I had because maybe it would've kept me more focused on the overall picture. Oh well, live and learn.

Dear Roo,

It's January 2012 and I gotta say 2011 flew by. But don't the years always seem to fly by now that you're a grown-up with kids of your own?

You've managed to stay married for 10 years (holy smokes!) and you've got two beautiful kids that you adore.

You were worried there at the beginning of the year how you would fare with your re-dedication to Weight Watchers and being healthy but you did great, woman! You kicked 2011 in the ass and told it that there's no way you'd let it be as crappy as 2010. You are so close to your goal weight. I have no idea why it took you so long to get your head back in the game but we are so glad you did.

Learning to put yourself first has been so hard. You're a giver and while we love that about you it makes it much harder for you to do what you need to do for yourself. You finally started exercising again and that back problem? Yep. You finally got that fixed. You can exercise again without pain. It took long enough but you're there. What a relief!

I'm really proud of you. You have made tremendous strides over the last year. Let's keep it up!

Love,
Future Roo

holiday hoedown check-in ~ week 2

Depression and anxiety are ugly creatures. And they both tend to leave me paralyzed, existing and just going through the motions. The nightmares and lack of focus, I'm sure, are a result of my doctor switching my medicines. I went from being very sad to not caring and quite frankly, a bitch. (If I was bitchy to you over the last few weeks please, please forgive me. I am truly sorry.) I'm working on my -ahem- attitude, but suffice it to say it's been difficult.

I did weigh in the last 2 weeks - down .4 last week and .3 this week. Not fabulous, I know, but no gain over Thanksgiving makes me feel better.

Know what else makes me feel better? The new Weight Watchers plan! Today was my first day following it by the book and I had no headaches, was NOT hungry and just felt good. Recently (over the last year when I've attempted to follow Weight Watchers) I was so hungry. All. The. Time. What a relief to eat and not feel hungry and know that I stayed on track.

I have not logged any minutes this week because the back/hip/leg pain is back. Gah. There are days I wonder if it will ever end, yo. But I am not going to let it derail me. I just need to find something that works fitness wise and run, or ummm, walk slowly with it.

As far as the non-fitness challenge this week, the three things I'm going to do this month to help me stay on track is:

• Track my food and do my absolute best to stay within my Points target on Weight Watchers.
• Attend my Weight Watchers meetings consistently.
• Drink. More Water. It's kinda like the Chick-fil-A cow with his Eat. More. Chicken. sign. You know which one I'm talking about, right? This one.

I realize these are so simple but you'd be amazed how hard this is for me some days. Especially when I'm dragging my 3 year old to a meeting with me.

Anyway, what I'm NOT going to do is quit or give up regardless of my mood, attitude and/or disc problems.

Here's to a good report for week 3!

confessions, check-in and more

Wow guys this has been a crazy, busy week. So busy, in fact, that I am still baffled by the fact that it's Thursday night. I can probably count on my fingers the number of hours we've actually been home this week (sleeping time excluded). But *big sigh of relief* starting tomorrow (Friday) it's not as crazy. Which is why I picked Friday to be my "let's try this again" day.

I did weigh-in on Wednesday and was up 1.4. I had a few thought-provoking comments last week (thanks, sisters) and Christie suggested maybe I was bored with Weight Watchers. At first I thought, nah I'm not bored, but after a little more mind-chewing on it I thought ok maybe she's got a point. It's not that Weight Watchers doesn't work. I know it does. When you follow the plan. My problem is my lackadaisical attitude towards it. So I thought - Hey, why not change it up? It's not like I'm 100% devoted to it (as evidenced by my weigh-in) and if something else doesn't work I try something else or even go back to counting Points. That being said, I've decided to try calorie counting. It will still require logging my food but I only have 1 number to deal with (for now) instead of 3. Something I've noticed is Weight Watchers is also all about the fiber and I'm not going to disagree that fiber is good for you but I've noticed, for me, it seems like the more protein something has the more filling it is and the less I want to snack/eat mindlessly.

Speaking of protein, I'm going to totally change topic here, has anyone tried Chobani Greek Yogurt? Oh. My. GOSH. It is the BEST yogurt I have EVER tasted. And the bonus? Zero fat and 14 grams of protein. It. is. awesome. If you like yogurt, that is. It's a little pricier than the other brands. Sale price at my local store was 10 for $10. But definitely worth it.*



Ok, back to my thoughts here (by the way this post has been writing itself in my head all week): Calorie counting is what I'm going to start tomorrow. I have a plan in place and a guide (thanks, April...you are awesome).

Exercise also needs to make its way "back" (get it, my back problems? Ha!) into the picture. My back is doing great and there's really no sense in putting it off. Game plan? 3 days run/walk (Couch-to-5K program) and 2 days strength training. I am working with Team in Training to get rescheduled for another half-marathon and am going to start looking for a local 5K to train for (gotta have a goal, right?).

WATER. Must. drink. water. We all know my crazy addiction to Diet Coke. And I KNOW it's not good for me. New plan = 80-100 ounces of water and 1 Diet Coke only if I meet the water requirement first. (This one scares me.)

So next week when I check in I will visit with you on how it went with calorie counting, exercise and water.

And finally, I need accountability. I was going to request a volunteer to be an accountability partner and I would return the favor - BUT seeing as Shrinking Jeans is starting a new challenge on Sunday and it includes teams, I'll be counting on my teammates to kick me in the butt if necessary.

*Photo courtesy of chobani.com. No one requested or paid me to post my adoration for this yogurt but I would definitely consider promoting these yogurts if contacted. I love 'em that much. Hey, I'm just sayin...

i choose me

Since becoming a mom I realize that I tend to put myself last. A lot. This isn't good for me - nor is it good for my family. And you know how the saying goes...



But of course *this mom* IS happy? Why? Because I chose happy, remember? And yes, it's a daily choice to be happy but I will and I do. It's better for me and it's better for my kids.

But you know what I forget to do when it comes to choosing me? Put my health first. (Thanks Heather for the gentle reminder.)

Starting today I choose to protect my skin by wearing sunscreen not only on my face but also on my neck, chest, arms and hands.

I choose to make my health a priority again. It's taken a back seat to too many things. (Oh! Hello there, Weight Watchers, my long lost friend!)

And I choose to love myself and my body at every. single. stage of the game. I only have one body and one life so I WILL make the best of it. (Even when my back is screaming at me.)

How about you? What do YOU choose?

Have you heard of the American Cancer Society's Choose You movement? It's all about making the commitment to live healthy and make early detection a priority through regular health checkups. Click HERE to learn more.

i am an addict

I am addicted to sugar, bad carbs (think cake, biscuits, etc.) and caffeine. And I don't know how to stop it. Re-join Weight Watchers so that I am accountable for the number of Points I put in my mouth daily? That's all well and good but truthfully I can work the addiction in to my Daily Points Allowance. I've thought about counting calories as well. Then there's always clean eating and the idea that if a food has multiple ingredients don't eat it = an apple is an apple, an egg is an egg, etc. Truth is I'm not sure what to do. I know if I just pick something and stick to it the weight will come off. And regardless of what direction I take I need to break the addictions.

And there you have it, this week's...

the whole story

Around early May I went out to do my 7 mile walk/run for Team in Training. I only made it a few miles and had to stop because of extreme pain in my hip. From that point forward every time I tried to exercise I couldn't. The pain was unbelievable.

I finally went to my doctor who diagnosed me with sacroiliac strain and/or SI joint sprain with a secondary diagnosis of sciatica. He ordered x-rays and sent me to physical therapy. I followed-up with him yesterday. My x-rays are good (great news) and the physical therapy hasn't helped my pain (not-so-great news). I am scheduled for an MRI on Wednesday evening. Depending on the results of that I will either be referred out to a specialist for for further treatment (cortisone injections or back surgery because he's guessing it's a bulging or herniated disc in my low back) or we start over.

I met my fundraising goal for the 1/2 marathon but I can't physically participate in it (it's this Sunday). My entire team is already in San Diego enjoying the beautiful weather and each other's company and I sit at home in Pennsylvania. The doctor and physical therapist both believed that travel would set back my recovery and I would be miserable trying to travel. I know they are right (because I am in pain 99.9% of the time) but my heart is there this weekend. I worked so hard on the training and the fundraising to not be able to be there at all and that's hugely disappointing to me.

The funds I raised are currently sitting in limbo right now. I have 6 months to recommit to a new event with Team in Training. Regardless of whether or not I participate in another event LLS WILL get the money - no worries there. The thing is I WANT to. I know so many people in my life don't get it. But this is what I was working for and I still want to do it. Depending on the severity of my back problems, I am looking at the Nike Women's 1/2 Marathon in October with Kirsten and her hubby OR the Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend in January 2011 with a few ladies from Shrinking Jeans. (I would be doing the 1/2 there as well - not the full marathon.)

Once I get my MRI and we are able to figure out what's wrong and what treatment course to take I will then be able to decide which event would work out best in terms of being able to get back on track with a training schedule.

Thank you to everyone that supported my journey for Team in Training and LLS. I am still accepting donations on behalf of LLS because unless I am physically not able to do it, I am going to recommit to another event with Team in Training in the near future.

don't quit

There's a poem I love. I have loved it for years. Only now as I'm dealing with my back injury and the disappointment of not only not completing the half-marathon I've trained for but dealing with several weeks of inactivity and not being able to travel to cheer on my teammates, has it come to mean so much more to me.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

-Author Unknown-

Yes, I've been knocked down. Yes, I'm disappointed. But I won't let this keep me down. I will be able to exercise again and I WILL train for and complete a half-marathon as soon as I have the all-clear from my doctor and physical therapist to start training again.

so close

As of this evening, I am almost at my fundraising goal for the LLS 1/2 Marathon in San Diego as part of Team Shrinking Jeans. I. Am. Amazed. I have things that I want to share (and will share!) but time doesn't permit me to do so tonight. For now I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to every single person that has helped me regardless of the amount. YOU are all awesome and I love you so much.

I only need $62.86 to reach my goal of $2,900.

If you would like to donate, click HERE.

Thank you for believing in me and helping such an important cause!

xoxo

my schedule

Remember a few posts back when I was griping about how I couldn't get anything done and needed to find a way to schedule the necessary stuff without compromising my "me time", etc.? Well guess what? I has me a schedule! Woot!

Last night, after a really nice, relaxing Mother's Day (big thank you to my husband for giving me the best gift of all - sleep!) I sat down and figured out my daily schedule. It's somewhat flexbile but should still allow me to get what needs done most days. And right now that's better than what I was getting done - nothing. This has taken quite a weight off of my shoulders.

Next item to tackle that I'm struggling with? Meal planning.

new challenge & a weigh-in

Yesterday, the Sisterhood started a new challenge - a revisit of an oldy but goody - 21 Days. The premise behind it is the saying or thought that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. So the goal is to form a new habit or habits over the next 3 weeks.

So here are my goals for the next 3 weeks (I seem to revisit these a lot but I'm trying to form good habits here, people):

• 64+ ounces of water/day
• Eat breakfast. (Why is this one sooo hard for me?)
• Stay on track with exercise - specifically my 1/2 marathon training. It's June 6th. And I MUST beat the sweeper van. Oh and I need to raise more money. Help a girl out, would ya? (Seeing as I still need to raise around $1,680. Yikes!)

And that's really it. These are healthy habits that need to continue throughout my life so I think they're good ones to focus on.

Ok, I missed weigh-in on Wednesday but did weigh-in Thursday morning and I'm down 1.1 pounds this week. I would like to continue to see the scale move in a downward pattern BUT I have promised myself not to stress if it doesn't. Remind me of that if I weigh-in and the scale is up, m'kay? Thanks.