guess what I did today?

Guess what I did today, well, besides realize it's been forever since I've posted here? I visited with a nutritionist. I. Know. Big step for Roo. But to be honest I'm tired of ignoring the obvious - that my health and the health of my family pretty much sucks right now.

Short version: My mother was just diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. My mom and I both suffer from hypertension. My dad has heart problems. My triglycerides are too high. And someone I know who is the same age as me (35) just had a major heart attack. Talk about a bit of a wake up call, huh?

So I made an appointment and off I went. I'm glad I went. I really like her. She's very easy to talk to and she's not throwing me so much information at once that I feel like it's too much to handle or that I'll throw my hands up and say "ayo gotta let go"...oops, sorry I started singing.

At this point she said that I'm not eating regularly enough and my body is confused. I can't say that surprises me. She also said I'm not eating enough during the day and overloading at night (again, no surprise) but that we can fix this.

Step 1: Keep a food journal.

Step 2: Eat 3 balanced meals a day (protein/grain/vegetable), note the time of the meal and the what, why and how much.

Step 3: Balance my caffeine ounce for ounce (my body is dehydrated so if I drink 32 oz of Diet Coke I need 32 oz of water) and drink more water if I can manage it since I've been slacking on the water.

Once I get me figured out then and only then can I pass on the good habits to my family. So that's where I am right now.

goodbye, summer

Goodbye, Summer. Hello, school, baseball, preschool and back to being on a schedule!

I have to admit - Summer spoils me. I enjoy not having to be anywhere at any particular time. We don't really have a routine and I like it. But I also like routine. (I know, I totally contradicted myself in one paragraph.)

Here's the thing...The ability to do whatever, whenever, spur of the moment is fun. Sun shining and warmth? Pool time! Rainy day? Let's play board games and read books. Rough night? Let's stay in our pajamas until 3:00 the next day! But the lack of routine almost always sometimes makes me crazy.

Enter September. School starts on Tuesday for my 2nd grader and my 3 year old starts preschool the following week. Getting up and doing the same thing on the same schedule is actually easier on me mentally. I don't have to think about it I just get up and do it. Hence the reason I like routine.

I will REALLY miss having my oldest at home. My little one's preschool is 2 mornings a week and I will be volunteering at the elementary school during that time so while I will miss her (of course) I won't be coming home to a quiet house (which would totally feel strange).

We're finally settled. The garage still needs to be unpacked and organized seeing as it's handling the overflow. However, the inside of the house is done with the exception of hanging pictures and placing "little things" here and there. I've started on my standard room makeovers that I do each time we move. My son's room has one teeny tiny thing for me to finish and then it's done. The rest is still a work in progress (mainly because I am not sticking to one room at a time and jumping here and there).

Have I mentioned the husband LOVES his job? Yeah. He has a pretty amazing boss and seems to be working for a really good company. Neither of us have that same warm and fuzzy from our relocation company but the new employer and new position we're definitely giving "2 thumbs up!".

The kids have made friends with our neighbors kids that are the same age. They seriously beg to play with their friends every. single. day. And from my conversations with my neighbor her kids do the same thing! It's such a good feeling for me because friendship with other kids is so vital to my kids happiness. I love seeing them laughing, running, playing, screaming (okay, not the screaming so much but the reason they're screaming) with other kids their age.

So while Summer is fading away too fast, Fall is almost here and a new chapter in our lives is starting. It's exciting and it's scary. How many times have we done this??? But we're together as a family, Daddy is home more and loves his job (bonus!) and it's starting to feel like "home"...

my heart is broken

I knew better than to trust you because you've hurt me before. Yet I still loved you because you are my family. I tried to be the better person. I tried so hard to believe that you loved me, too.

You hug me. You tell me you love me. But I know that you don't. You can't. You just cannot love someone and say such harsh and hateful things when they're not listening.

You burned me before. I let you back in. I shouldn't have but I did. Without fully trusting you I allowed myself to let my guard down and what do you do? You criticize my parenting, my housekeeping, my weight and more hurtful than anything else? You criticize my children. The two little people that bring me the most joy in my life. The innocent children that love you. That get excited to see you. Because they think you love them too. And you don't.

I'd love to tell you to grow up, get off your high horse and get a life; but if I do there are children that will suffer - mine and yours. If you find out I know you may very well find out how I know and then you will take it out on them.

I want to tell you how disappointed and angry I am right now. But for the sake of the children caught in the cross-fire I won't. But only for them. Not for you. Because as far as I'm concerned there is no relationship left and there never will be a way to mend this. You've gone too far this time and you can't fix it.

birthday letter to my little girl ~ 3

My precious little girl,

You are the sunshine in my life. Your blue eyes dance with happiness and mischievousness. Your smile can turn the frown of a random stranger upside down in a heartbeat.



You are now 3. Three years ago I didn't know how I could love another child as much as I love your brother. Any doubts I had were erased the moment I saw your beautiful face. I will never forget the moment I looked at you for the first time.



You love to read. Some days I feel like all we do is read. But that's okay. You're gonna be a smart cookie with a love for reading and that makes me happy. You love trains and dinosaurs as much as you love babies and stuffed animals. And your favorite? Mickey Mouse and happy cows. You love gymnastics and you love to dance. You will dance in circles some days for what seems like hours. We always have to have music on in the van. Most of the times it's the Chipmunks CD to which you know almost every single word. You can sing, too. I mean, really sing. I love to hear you sing along with the music when we're running around in the van.



You have a strong will and there are days when you test me (boy do you test me!) but I'm glad that you are not easily swayed. I pray that strength will carry you through your school years and into adult life with your head held high. I see you taking life by the horns and not taking no for an answer. Oh and the other kids in school? I don't see you letting them push you around at all.

Sweet girl, may I share something with you? That spunk, sass and all-or-nothing attitude you have? I wish I had it too. Maybe then I wouldn't have let people hurt me the way I have. But you? Use it. Embrace it. And take crap from no one. Because you deserve the best. Always.

I am so happy you belong to me and that God trusted me with your life. I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. Because no matter what your choices are? You will always be my little girl.

Hugs and kisses. Always and forever.

Mommy

on my mind

I have so many things on my mind right now...things that feel like at any given moment they will break me...

My son is finally starting to feel better and has developed bumps on his arms, legs and lower back. I'm hoping, praying, crossing my fingers that it's an allergic reaction to his new nebulizer meds and not chicken pox (it really looks like the beginning stages of chicken pox). I gave him Benadryl before bed. I guess I'll see what he looks like tomorrow morning.

My work load is crazy big and I am so behind on what I need to get done after having him (6 year old) sick most of last week with his asthma and then again since Sunday with the sinusitis, asthma and subsequent hospitalization.

I accidentally locked myself out of the house today. My husband wouldn't come home and unlock and go back to work. Don't even get me started on how pissed off I am about that right now. So because of time constraints (i.e. doctors appointment that I felt we couldn't cancel) I broke into my house. With a wrench. I didn't realize the 3 small panes on the right side of the front door were actually one large pane made to look like 3 smaller ones. SO. MUCH. GLASS. In the process of busting out the window a large piece of glass flew back at me and sliced my pointer finger. It took 30 minutes and lots of pressure to get it to stop bleeding. Nurse at pediatrician's office said I didn't need stitches but that it would be painful, scar and I'd probably lose the loose skin hanging from my finger. I also have no feeling in the finger from the point of the cut to the tip. Nice, huh? And the glass cleanup? Took all of 2 hours when I got home. Seriously, glass every-freakin-where.

The job that brought us back "home" sucks. That's really the nicest word I can use at the moment. My husband hates it, I hate it, he's never around and the kids and I miss him. I know we should be thankful he has a job that pays well (and we really are) but OH-EM-GEE the stress on him, our marriage, our family is almost too much to bear most days (without going into detail here on the blog).

I'm also having an issue with a family member. One that I love with all of my heart. This person is putting distance between us and our relationship is strained. Strained because of gossip and resentment (not on my part). I keep reaching out and the door keeps getting slammed in my face. I miss this person so much. I would give anything to fix it. But my hands are tied. It's impossible to defend myself against lies made about me. And it hurts my heart. So much.

kick back and relax

Go ahead. Put your feet up. Grab a drink. Relax. All will be quiet here this weekend as I drag my tired self out of town for a fun-filled family weekend that will include a water park and amusement park. For 2 days. If I don't post by Tuesday, send out the troops. I may need to be carried away to a kid-free, husband-free zone for an undetermined amount of time.

Have a fabulous weekend, everyone!