exposed

I had never heard of the Exposed Movement until a week or so ago when a few Shrinking Jeans friends were chatting about it on Twitter. I jumped in and asked what it was and just as quickly jumped out of the conversation. Cause I did *not* want to go there.

The Exposed Movement started in October 2009 with this post by Mish at Eating Journey. She followed it up this year with a page on her blog dedicated to this movement. At the time I'm drafting this post, there are 106 people that exposed for the first time this October (not including me...yet). WOW.

So what's the big deal with exposing myself? I took the pledge to love myself and while I am doing my best to love myself sometimes actions speak louder than words. This is the biggest reason I am doing this. To love myself NOW. To embrace myself NOW. Not when I lose 50 pounds, not when the time is right in the future. Because the time is right NOW. Today. October 19, 2010.

So here I am, exposed...

i am not a failure

There have been several times this week I've almost quit. Quit exercising. Quit caring. You see, I'm hurting. Physically and emotionally. Physically, the herniated disc in my back is causing me problems again. Bending, walking, doing laundry, picking up my daughter. It hurts so much. And when my body hurts my mind hurts too. My inner mean girl surfaces and reminds me that I'm a failure, I can't keep my word (re: training for Disney), that my back is now giving out on me for a 2nd time when training for a half marathon and I just must not be capable of doing it. And then she whispers, "Loser. Told you so. You'll never walk a half marathon let alone run one." And then I cry. Cry because I'm sad. Cry because I'm angry. Cry because I don't know if I can take another disappointment this year. (There have been many.)

And then as I'm organizing pictures on my computer I see this.



My 6 year old drew this for me this past Spring when I was raising money for LLS and Team in Training. He was so proud of me for running and raising money for people with cancer. Children with cancer. Families that are going through much more difficult things than a herniated disc in their back. And I realized that the pity party I'm having for myself stops now.

I'm not sure what's going to happen with Disney at this point. Another cortisone shot in my back? Surgery (God I hope not)? I just don't know. But until then I will continue to train as much as I can without hurting myself more, I will tell my inner mean girl to shut up and I will not call myself a failure. Injury does not equal failure.* Even though the voices in my head try to tell me otherwise.

*Thanks to Karena and April for the reminder.

training for the Disney 1/2

I was working on a training plan to run/walk the Disney Half Marathon in January. I've gone out several times to run/walk and my body just isn't cooperating. Something funky is going on with my hip and running is aggravating it (this is on the opposite side of my last injury...go figure). However, walking I can do. And unless something magically changes and my hip problems disappear, I will be walking the half.

For some crazy reason I feel like a failure admitting I won't be running it. But I shouldn't feel like that. I know this. So why do I? I'm going to train, give it my best and walk my booty off to make that 13.1 and cross the finish line. Who says I have to run it to finish? Just my inner mean girl. Excuse me while I go kick her butt. With the side of my body that's hyped up on steroids and feels no pain.

to my girlfriends

Many times (okay, most of the time), we girls tend to be too hard on ourselves. Critical, even. We look in the mirror and our view is skewed. We don't see what the world sees, what our family sees, what our friends see. We don't see that we are beautiful. Without makeup. Believe when you receive compliments. Be flattered. Say thank you. Accept it. Accept you. You are beautiful. Period.

Post inspired by this song:


Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are from That Guy on Vimeo.

Just the Way You Are (Bruno Mars)

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

ditching my inner mean girl

I have decided to join some friends (Tiffany, Brooke, Kim and Beki - that I know of so far) and ditch my inner mean girl.

You know her (thankfully not as well as I do!) - she's the girl that is critical of me, the one who compares herself to everyone else, thinks she needs to be super mom-friend-daughter-sister-wife, and sets unrealistic goals for me in the process. When she does this I feel overwhelmed, frustrated and not good enough. I don't let others treat me so poorly but I let her and it needs to stop.

Starting now (the official 40 Day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse started a few days ago), I am taking control, grabbing her ponytail and tossing her out of my life...or at least putting her in a permanent time out.

Why 40 days? Because 40 days is what it takes to change your habits.

And the habits/lies we're conquering?

• Comparison.
• Judgment.
• Gossip.
• Expectations.
• Obligations.
• Fear-based Media.

Pretty heavy stuff, huh?

I'm actually looking forward to doing this and working on changing these toxic thoughts that are getting in the way of me enjoying my life to its fullest potential.

I'll keep you posted on how it's going!