i wish...

...I wish I knew why I was struggling with eating right and exercising (and how to fix it).

...I wish I knew how I could function without anxiety meds because at this moment and for some time now I feel like I'm existing not living.

...I wish I knew why I can look at myself in the mirror and say yes I love myself and believe it, but daily choose to do things (eat things) that state the opposite.

2010 has been such a difficult year for me personally but I want that to change. My doctor changed my meds and while the overwhelming sadness is gone I'm still just going through the motions. And I'm so tired of just existing and going through my daily routine. I want to really live again and feel like I'm living again. But I don't even know where to start.