so much to say

Bear with me as this post is, well, all over the place, which will give you insight into where my mind is at the moment (hint: all over the place).

I just checked and ohmywerd there are 251 items sitting in Google Reader. I'm tempted to hit "mark all as read" but I don't want to miss anything. I already missed this week's Shrinkvivor weigh-in and am now out of the game which royally sucks, yo. (And I just checked the Shrinking Jeans posts in Google Reader to link up to the weigh-in post I missed and holy cow there are 24 posts I need to read!!!)

Two weeks ago I was at the end of my rope. To be perfectly honest I was there earlier this week too. I had another cortisone injection in my back on Monday and am actually starting to feel better today (as in less pain in my back, hip, butt and leg).

The doctor doesn't think that Disney is feasible because of the time left to train. He wants me to go really, really slow. As in, walk or run 1/2 a mile, wait 4 days, do it again, wait 4 days and see how I'm feeling. I am going to start going to the Y next week on a visitor pass to see how my little one takes to the child care. I'm hoping she does well and then I can work one-on-one with a trainer to see if he/she can get me where I need to be to walk the Disney 1/2 with Karena in January. Right now that's the best I can do, which is crazy disappointing, but it's where I am. What I REALLY want to do is participate in the Sisterhood Virtual 5K starting on Monday.

I'm seriously struggling with anxiety and depression again still. Beki's post on Vicious Cycles really hit a nerve with me. It's exactly where I am daily. And I hate it. Thea gave me a gentle nudge this week and I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday morning because something's gotta give. I cannot continue to survive like this.

Speaking of "surviving", I was watching the Biggest Loser this week and Jillian Michaels said something to a girl on the black team (her name escapes me) about surviving versus fighting. Basically, this girl has lived her entire life surviving whatever comes her way when, in fact, she needs to fight. Which prompted me to tweet this:



"Why aren't you fighting? Thriving, that's fighting. Surviving is just getting by. Now: run again." - Jillian Michaels

Hmmm. I can't wait to run again. <---Words I never thought I'd think let alone say out loud.

Oh and don't miss this giveaway from Shrinking Jeans that ends TOMORROW - 2 Tickets to FitBloggin. I know. Go enter. NOW. I'll be there. And I wanna meet my girls there, k?