on my mind

I have so many things on my mind right now...things that feel like at any given moment they will break me...

My son is finally starting to feel better and has developed bumps on his arms, legs and lower back. I'm hoping, praying, crossing my fingers that it's an allergic reaction to his new nebulizer meds and not chicken pox (it really looks like the beginning stages of chicken pox). I gave him Benadryl before bed. I guess I'll see what he looks like tomorrow morning.

My work load is crazy big and I am so behind on what I need to get done after having him (6 year old) sick most of last week with his asthma and then again since Sunday with the sinusitis, asthma and subsequent hospitalization.

I accidentally locked myself out of the house today. My husband wouldn't come home and unlock and go back to work. Don't even get me started on how pissed off I am about that right now. So because of time constraints (i.e. doctors appointment that I felt we couldn't cancel) I broke into my house. With a wrench. I didn't realize the 3 small panes on the right side of the front door were actually one large pane made to look like 3 smaller ones. SO. MUCH. GLASS. In the process of busting out the window a large piece of glass flew back at me and sliced my pointer finger. It took 30 minutes and lots of pressure to get it to stop bleeding. Nurse at pediatrician's office said I didn't need stitches but that it would be painful, scar and I'd probably lose the loose skin hanging from my finger. I also have no feeling in the finger from the point of the cut to the tip. Nice, huh? And the glass cleanup? Took all of 2 hours when I got home. Seriously, glass every-freakin-where.

The job that brought us back "home" sucks. That's really the nicest word I can use at the moment. My husband hates it, I hate it, he's never around and the kids and I miss him. I know we should be thankful he has a job that pays well (and we really are) but OH-EM-GEE the stress on him, our marriage, our family is almost too much to bear most days (without going into detail here on the blog).

I'm also having an issue with a family member. One that I love with all of my heart. This person is putting distance between us and our relationship is strained. Strained because of gossip and resentment (not on my part). I keep reaching out and the door keeps getting slammed in my face. I miss this person so much. I would give anything to fix it. But my hands are tied. It's impossible to defend myself against lies made about me. And it hurts my heart. So much.